Letting go of perfect: by Maria De Leon

“if you are interested in happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book .” Lemony Sniket, A Series of UNFORTUNATE Events

These last few days, although terribly exciting have been spent in a hurried frenzy. Partially, due to my daughter’s hectic schedule, planning activities for Parkinson’s awareness month, and Easter weekend around the corner. Plus not to mention pulling all night-ers while attempting to finish writing my Spanish book on top of all my OTHER responsibilities.

Yet,  when I was invited to be spokesperson for Parkinson’s foundation for Hispanic community, I jumped at the opportunity to raise awareness and encourage further participation in clinical research.

As I am KNOWN to do when I have a task to complete, I become hyper focused with  tunnel vision. However, I am learning to let go of perfect. This profound revelations has not happened over night and in no way fully mastered. If it were the case, I would get myself and family to church more often. Instead of wasting precious time fighting to get into my nice dresses and figure out a way to keep make-up from running down my face because sweaty decided to pay me a visit; which he seems to time perfectly when I want to look my best. Imagine My wild MANE not so proudly dripping like an open faucet. Of course, the beautiful Spanish fan my dear friend Alex gave me a year ago is nearly falling apart from the speed with which I furiously attempt to cool myself off and send my little friend packing. Unfortunately, he always finds his way home no matter how far I send him. Needless to say I feel, I have become like Martha in the Bible. Instead of worrying about having a perfect appearance for God, I should concentrate only on enjoying my time with Him and with those that matter most. He along with those closest to have seen me at my worst. So a few fashion faux pas from a nauseated, stiff, slow shuffling, extremely overheated women attempting to look graceful as she ascends the stairs to the sanctuary might not be such a big deal to God or anyone else for that matter.Image result for images of imperfect things

Having 7 radio talk shows in a single day, you can imagined triggered-my alter ego-control freak to go on super high alert. Even though, I managed to suppress these urges, a bit reared its head. First, I withheld my amantadine and sleeping pill so that I would be able to function better than usual so early in the am. Plus, forming cohesive sentences during my interview was critical which meant more dopamine. Then I tried 4 outfits to make sure I looked my best for national radio live streaming of face to face interview with Dra. Isabella -“The angel of the radio.” Funny thing, you could not tell what I was wearing and I wore myself out even more. Had I not try to control how I looked as much or worried about how embarrassed I would feel if I stumbled speaking do to short-term memory loss from anticholinergic. I would not have had this morning’s episode. Trying to do it all with little or no sleep in last 48hours led to me experiencing a full array of emotions in the most inappropriate of ways.

I had been craving waffles drenched [usually drizzled but I like my sugar] in caramel layered with praline covered nuts. The sugar craving only increases with extended brain activity. Since, both my husband and I been so busy this morning was our chance to connect over sugar treats which made me almost giddy. But my exuberant mood rapidly came tumbling down when the server said they did not have what I was looking for. Did they not understand that it not me but my BRAIN needing it’s  sugar fix to feel normal and only the caramel, praline nuts would suffice! Sure, I was disappointed. But, when the tears began to roll down my check, I knew my brain had enough. Of course, my husband was dumbfounded by my obvious emotional reaction to breakfast food.

I could have let it ruin my breakfast along with entire day. Instead I shushed away Mr. insane and told my brain to please send Mr.. happy down with the clowns because what we had was a BIG circus in the making.  Then, I pulled up my chair, leaving perfect behind, for a better view and brought my family for a ride in the merry go-round.

Remember not to sweat the small stuff for is in these rare moments where memories are created and bonding occurs. SO, next time you stumble make it part of the dance; but whatever you do- don’t stop dancing!

copyright-2017

all rights reserved – Maria De Leon MD

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